I wish I could go back to when I was 23 and tell myself then that I deserve better. It took me years and looking at lipsticked words on a mirror to believe it.

In a devastating world we have normalized so many things that people don’t deserve experiencing or witnessing. Chaos is normal. Death is normal. People hurting others is normal. You just pick yourself up and keep walking while the whole world is on fire, you look at people’s faces for a reaction and there are none.Continue reading “no idea what you’re saying.”

I’m tired of reaching out and talking about things Tired of one traumatic stressor after another I’m tired of holding on to the idea of how much better everything is supposed to get I ripped off a 6 year old bandaid by force and didn’t realize the flood of grief, pressure, and shame I wouldContinue reading “Hello, I’m not okay”

I finally said no. I finally said I’ve had enough. I finally stood up for myself in the most difficult way. I want to be proud but I don’t know how. In the midst of this triumph, the most I feel is grief. I feel tired, exhausted, and lost. Trauma has been my identity forContinue reading “what comes next”

I’ve had some of the hardest days lately. I am genuinely so tired of feeling my emotions. I hate that I’ve pushed myself to this point. I just want better days and better company that will stay through the hard days with me. Please tell me that life isn’t supposed to be this hard andContinue reading “give me a fucking break already”

I didn’t think I would be sad. I always thought I would feel a sense of relief, that I could relax my shoulders and unclench my jaw. I am barely existing. I am barely living. I don’t want this. I had so much hope. I endured for the chance for things to change. I sawContinue reading “shattered.”

My appetite doesn’t exist. It’s fleeting. I never find myself hungry enough to finish a whole plate. I’ll sit at work, embarrassed that I can’t hide the desperate noises begging for food. But the minute I sit down to eat, nothing tastes right. My throat tightens, it shrinks. It hurts and it’s distasteful. Nothing feelsContinue reading “More.”

you have a chance to rebuild. you are no longer sitting on your knees in a shower, watching streams of water drip off of your hair and face. he’s no longer yelling. he is no longer in your sacred space. you are allowed to be alone and be left alone. it took you this manyContinue reading “breathe and rebuild.”

very much avoiding the most inflating question of, “are you okay?” Me? I’m a hollow outline of my body made from survival mode.